The Goddamn Mistletoe
by Hydrochloric Cutie
Summary: Hermione is the butt of Fred and George's latest prank. Find out how she can rid herself of this latest debocle. Some characters are massively AU!


The Goddamn Mistletoe

The Orderof the Phoenix was having a Christmas party and there were many people there. Fred and George decided to stalk someone out to play their annual prank on this year, just to liven everyone's spirits before they faced the ultimate challenge this coming year. So when they looked through the mass of people, they spotted Hermione, alone in the kitchen making punch. She was 22 and single now, so this prank would work just right. She and Ron had tried their hand at dating but they would always fight. In the end, they were better friends. The twins had created a headband **(A/N:** similar to the one on the Episode of Full House) with mistletoe attached to it. But this was no ordinary headband, this headband could tell by the kiss you received, who you were meant to be with for that night. When Hermione wasn't paying attention, they put it on her head.

"What did you two put on my head now?" Hermione asked exasperatedly. She tried to take it off, but it wouldn't budge.

"Well Mione dearest," Fred said.

"This is charmed mistletoe," George followed.

"So it can only be removed,"

"When you finally kiss,"

"The one you're supposed to be with,"

"Tonight," the both finished.

"One person we think is here tonight," George said.

"Ooh, I don't like you very much right now," she grumbled.

"You have to test all the unmarried males, and since we're right here, we get you first," Fred smiled broadly. George swooped down to claim her lips and gently slipped his tongue between her lips, caressing her tongue, tasting the eggnog that she drank earlier. Hermione's head was spinning as George broke the kiss and Fred took over. She barely got a breath in. he was a completely different kisser than George; George was gentle and careful while Fred was rough, exciting, and passionate.

"Oh wow," Hermione breathed. "Are you sure I'm not supposed to be with you Fred?"

"Try to remove the headband," he prompted. She pulled on it, but it didn't budge.

"Oh damn," she said. "I guess I have to tell everyone about this and get them to help me out."

"Have fun," George called after her as she left the kitchen. Hermione walked out into the living room where Harry and Ron were sitting close in discussion. She decided to tackle them first, and sauntered over when they started laughing, perching herself in Ron's lap.

"Hey Mione, what's up?" Ron asked, wrapping his arms automatically around her waist.

"Your brothers pranked me," she said grimly.

"I'm assuming that would be the mistletoe?" Harry sniggered.

"Yeah," she grumbled.

"So what's the catch?"

"Huh?"

"You know, the catch," Harry said. "I know you wouldn't be wearing that unless it couldn't get it off."

"Yeah, I have to kiss every guy here to find which one I'm supposed to be with tonight," Hermione said. "At least all the single and not married guys."

"So that means we're still in too?" Ron asked, smiling at her predicament.

"Unless you really don't want to," she said.

"Nah, we'll help you," Ron said before kissing her like they used to. Once they broke apart, he looked at her questioningly.

"Nothing, you're off the hook," she said apologetically, trying to pull the headband off then moving to sit on Harry's lap.

"My turn," Harry said, dipping her back to kiss her Hollywood style. She had to cling to his neck so she wouldn't fall too far back. "You look like you've been scared to death," he teased once he broke the kiss.

"Nose down Harry," she said. "Not you either."

"Well, get going, you have a bunch of men to kiss to test their prank."

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Hermione grumbled. She extricated herself from Harry's lap and headed over to Neville Longbottom. "Hey Nev, you want to help me out for a sec?"

"Um… sure, what do you need?"

"Did you hear about the twins recent prank?"

"Yeah, did you want me to kiss you?"

"If you wouldn't mind," she said sheepishly. Neville shook his head and leaned in. his kiss was by far the sweetest thing she had ever experienced. The thought crossed her mind about how good of a lover he would be but it passed quickly as the kiss ended. Hermione kept her eyes closed, in hopes that he was the one. "I really want to say that that was the kiss to get this thing off, but I'm afraid to test it."

"Here, I'll try," Neville offered. He tried to remove the mistletoe headband but it wouldn't budge. "Sorry Mione."

"You were the best kiss so far though," she offered as condolences.

"Thanks Mione, now go on and get your dream guy," Neville said as he kissed her gently on the lips once more. Hermione made her way through the room, kissing every person that she needed to. Percy, Charlie, and Bill were bemused when she propositioned them, but they weren't the ones either. Hermione bit the bullet and went over to Sirius and Remus. When she explained her predicament, they teased her at first until she pounced on each of them in turn. All three ended up laughing so hard they were in tears.

Once Hermione composed herself, she went through all the single/unmarried men who were at the party, making a mental checklist of who she had already kissed. There was only one person left: Severus Snape. Hermione gave an inward sigh; she had finally gotten over her silly little school girl crush and now all the feelings were being stirred up once more. He was sulking in the entrance to the stairwell, so she headed over to visit him.

"Professor?" she asked tentatively.

"I have not been your professor for several years," he said calmly. "Please, call me Severus.

"Alright then, Severus," Hermione said, the name sounding strange but all together pleasant on her tongue. "I was wondering if I could ask a favor of you."

"That would depend on the favor, Miss Granger," he said in his silky tones.

"Now make it two," she giggled. "If I'm to call you Severus, you must call me Hermione."

"Fine, Hermione, what favor would you like for me to do for you?"

"Did you happen to hear about the twins' prank?"

"Unfortunately," he grumbled.

"Well, you are the final guy whom I haven't kissed yet," Hermione said, blushing slightly.

"And you would like for me to kiss you?"

"If you wouldn't mind," she said quietly. Snape nodded and leaned in slowly, as if giving her time to back away from him. She hesitated slightly but leaned into Severus, lifting herself on her toes to be closer. His lips met hers and there was a blinding flash of light from behind her eyelids. They moved their lips gently against each others, as if testing the waters. Hermione ran her tongue gracefully over his slightly thicker bottom lip. He allowed her entrance to his mouth, which she had been hopelessly infatuated with over the years. Their tongues played sweetly with each other and there was another blinding flash; but this time it wasn't from behind her eyelids.

They broke apart, looking around wildly but Severus pulled her closer to him, as if to protect her from whom every made the flash. Fred and George were standing near by with a flash bulb camera each in their hands. They had the biggest smiles on their faces and Hermione heard a clatter. The headband fell to the floor.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

**TWO YEARS LATER**

"If anyone had reason as to why these two shouldn't be married, then speak now or forever hold your peace," Dumbledore said as he presided over the wedding ceremony. No one spoke a word, so he went on with the ceremony cheerily. "I now pronounce you man and wife, you may kiss the bride."

The couple kissed and everyone let out a loud, whooping cheer. Once they broke apart, they faced their large audience. "May I now proudly introduce to you, Severus and Hermione Snape!" The kiss that sparked their love drew them closer every day and they knew that no one else would satisfy their needs.


End file.
